A Tug On My Heart...

It's been a long time since I've posted.....

  A lot of life has happened in the last four years, mostly health issues.  I had a neck fusion that led from one thing to another.  I had a disc that was dangerously close to my spinal cord and one fall or accident could sever my spinal cord.  I had no choice in the matter but to have surgery, it was a "have to" thing.  But it left me with terrible headaches that I never experienced before. In the process of all this the doctor found out I had 4 herniated disks causing my leg to give out on me. My days are filled with chronic pain.  It's been a battle both physically and spiritually.  During this time,  I've stayed close to the Lord, but I must confess some days I wondered where He was.  There were two things I tried to do everyday...have a quiet time sitting at the Lord's feet and making dinner for Bob....even if it was simple.  I didn't always accomplish this, but it was my goal.

My husband went part time a year ago which has really been nice.  He works three days a week which is just perfect.  It gets him out among people and keeps us with full medical benefits. It's been a big change I will admit but, it's worked out perfectly at a time I needed help.

I've missed blogging.  In this battle I've been in, I wasn't sure that I had much to offer in words of encouragement.  I feel the tug in my heart to try again. It's not easy and most of the time impossible to put into words the deeper things that God is doing in us. Pain can change people.  I pray for His glory that I've changed for the better.

Blessings, my friends!
Patty

Encourage...

I never realized until today, how many people I have in my life that encourage me. Sometimes I feel very alone,as I struggle to be productive when my chronic illnesses want to take control of my every effort, to do even the simplest of things. Keeping a Gratitude Journal over the last six months has helped me to recognize just how many people encourage me. Keeping this journal has helped me to see things with a grateful heart. It's taught me to watch for those things the Lord brings into my day that I have to be grateful for. As I read an email that I received yesterday, read a card I received in the mail and listened to a message left on my phone today, it was like a light bulb went on...Look Patty, at the encouragement you receive from friends and even acquaintances. My mind went back over the weeks of those that have emailed, left a message on Facebook or called me with words of encouragement. I took some time to do a self examination of myself, to see if I pay it forward to those I know. I am going to try and be better at encouraging others.

As I write just simple sentences of gratitude and count my blessings every day...the Lord encourages me. David sought encouragement from the Lord in 1 Samuel 30:6. God waits for us so He can encourage us in this journey called life. He loves to encourage us. We have to learn how to recognize it when He whispers encouragement to us.


If the simplest of words can discourage... then the simplest of words can encourage as well. I want to be an encourager, don't you? Thank you, dear hearts, for your words of encouragement!

Word For The Year...

"Obedience above all else pleases God the most."

~ Pastor Greg Laurie ~

I asked the Lord for a word for the year 2011. He gave me the word OBEDIENCE. I was afraid it would be self control...and it was obedience! I got out our very old Scrabble Game and spelled the word to put over my sink in the kitchen. Because I was working on my health/weight I thought it meant...stick to your eating plan. Nope. For me it meant God wanted me to have obedience in all things. As I would read in the Word to tame my tongue..he wanted me to obey. If God whispered to me to submit...I was to obey. Pray more...obey. Spend less money...obey. The list goes on and on.

OBEDIENCE is a big word. For each of us it can mean something different. The obedience that God requires of me may be different for you. Some things are black and white for any follower of Jesus Christ. There are no gray areas for those things He commands us to do from His Word. Some things are black and white and others are the whispers of God that we know are meant just for us. I want to hear and obey the whispers as well as the commandments.

I have been reading through the Old Testament and one thing I have seen over and over is how God's people continued to be disobedient. All they ever had to do was obey and love Him. I find myself continually saying, "Why didn't they just get it?" Then I remember how many times in a day I don't obey even in the smallest of things. God's mercy and grace are bigger than any of my disobedience's. Thank you, Jesus.

"To obey is better than sacrifice."

1 Samuel 15:22

Journey of Change...

I have asked myself and God, why every time I sat down to write on my blog the words wouldn't come. I seemed empty of anything to say or share with my readers. Great things were happening in my life...but, there were no words. Today I realized I have been on a "Journey of Change."
I found myself stepping out into areas that were totally out of my comfort zone. God stretched me in some areas, giving me the gentle nudges I needed..at times I felt like they were more like a shove off a cliff...but all in all...He stretched me and I didn't break!

The one change I made this year was my commitment to get healthy. It seemed like a full time job planning my meals around healthy recipes rather than my old stand by comfort foods. I had grown accustomed to making comfort foods ...I thought it would make me feel better. It was a bad habit I had let myself nurture living with chronic illnesses. A friend introduced me to Daily Plate.com. it's an online calorie tracker through Livestrong. As long as I faithfully tracked my calories, I'd lose weight. I hadn't factored in getting older and I thought I could lose it like I did when I was younger. Not so! I lost weight very slowly...very slowly...I had to fight discouragement along the way. My husband joined me on this leg of the journey and we tracked our calories together. We'd shop for fresh fruits and vegetables and we walked this road together.

My friend who introduced me to Daily Plate also shared the most wonderful book with me. Made To Crave, Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food, by Lysa Terkeurst. This book may not be for everyone but it was for me. I'll share more on that book in another post. This friend also made a scripture/quotes booklet from the book to go to in times of temptation...I love it!

I didn't exercise at first. I actually lost most of my weight without it. But when I started walking the track I loved it. As I walked to Chris Tomlin's worship and praise songs I could see the entire San Bernardino Mountian range as I soaked in God's Majesty all around me. I was really feeling victorious! Then... I tweaked my knee on Christmas Eve..I just moved wrong. My exercise has come to halt. This week I am going to start on an exercise video of chair exercise. DONCHAKNOW that makes me feel really old?? With my DVD and weights that will be my new journey until this knee heals, surgery or God's amazing touch.

This is where I have been on part of my journey of change. As of today, I am not going to say.."I wish I could have lost more in this year's journey." Instead I am saying...I lost 53 pounds this year and I give God all the glory! My husband lost 40. He's at his goal..I am not..so the journey continues. To those of you have encouraged me to come back and write again..thank you. To those of you who have left comments and I did not reply...I am so sorry, but thank you! To my friend who encourages me in this journey and to my husband..I couldn't of done this without you both....This was just one part of my "Journey of Change." I'll share more in my next post.

Trial or Consequence?

~ Beside Still Waters ~

My husband and I have been watching a series by Pastor James MacDonald called Turning Your Trials To Gold. We set aside one evening a week to watch the DVDs and this week was our last one. Pastor James taught a six week bible study at Harvest Christian Fellowship and at that same time he was going through cancer treatments at a nearby medical university. The Lord ministered to him as he walked through his trial and week by week God gave him the strength to share those things.

The key verse for the entire series was, Job 23:10. "But He knows the way I take, and when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold."

I gleaned so much from these teachings and as I sort through my notes and thoughts I will share some of those things here on my blog. The point I wanted to share today is some of Pastor James' thoughts and mine, on trials and consequences.

One definition of a trial is....A painful circumstance allowed by God to change our conduct and our character." Our trials are designed to change us. God wants change in us and through us and every trial we face is allowed by God for our ultimate good. In the midst of trials it's hard to remember that ultimately God has a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 says, He knows the plans He has for us. He knows.
God also knows that sometimes we aren't always ready for His plan and the refining process of trials shapes us so we are ready for His "ultimate plan".

When we go through hard times we can be so quick to call it a trial, when in all reality it is a consequence to sin. A person who cheats on their income tax and then is audited and has their wages garnished says..I don't know how I am going to pay my bills. I am in the worst trial of my life. Is it a consequence or a trial? It's a consequence. The sin doesn't have to be big....but there are consequences to all sin. What we say and what we do can lead to consequences that disguise themselves as a trial.

How do we make it through our trials? We want to be trained by the trial so we surrender, trust, obey and abide, praying that we will come forth as gold when it ends. Some trials go on a long time, some are short. Most trials are normally for a season. Some longer seasons than others. We need staying power in the midst of a trial. Don't quit...don't give up, trials produce transformation. Bear up under it.

How do we get out of a consequence? Repent. Repent for our actions and behavior. Some of what we have sown will not automatically be gone. The residue from sin lingers. Freedom comes from repentance. Take necessary steps to right a wrong.

These are just a few of my thoughts today. In a time when it seems Christians are in the heat of so many trials, maybe we should ask ourselves...

Trial or Consequence?

Lord, we want to come forth as gold.

Amen?

Concerns...

~ Beside Still Waters ~

"The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;

Thy loving kindness, O Lord, is everlasting;

Do not forsake the works of Thy hands."

Psalm 138:8

My concerns seem to be multiplied lately, as I am sure many of you feel the same way. I find such comfort in knowing that the things that concern me, concern God. Since He can do the impossible, and nothing is too hard for Him...then as I submit to His will, His desires, lay my concerns at His feet, I can have confidence that He is working for good those things that concern me. I encourage you to be comforted knowing that even in the midst of your concern, God is working.

God is Sovereign ....it's something we all need to remember.... that whatever our circumstances, He is in control and not one thing comes as a surprise to Him. Things can hit us and knock the wind right out of us and drop us flat on our behinds....and all the time God must be thinking, "I've got you..I've never dropped you before and I won't drop you now."

"Thou hast enclosed me behind and before,

and laid thy hand on me."

Psalm 139:5

He is behind us, before us and His hand is upon us...

What an awesome God!

Change Of Color...

Have you ever seen a chameleon? If you look closely you can see this little guy in the picture. Chameleon's can change their color in less than 20 seconds to blend in with their surroundings. I've heard the expression. " they are whatever color they're sitting on." It certainly applies to these little critters, but when I heard this saying the first time, it was making reference to "people".

Some people find themselves being more spiritual in one surrounding, then not so spiritual in another surrounding....change of color. Another example would be...you tell the person you are with what you think they want to hear and another person what they want to hear....change of color. You do things with one group of friends that you would never do with another group of friends...color change again.

A consistent walk with Jesus...walking in the Spirit...will prevent any of us from turning "whatever color we are sitting on." Oh how I desire that the only color I want others to see, is the reflection of Jesus in me... in whatever circumstance and whatever company I find myself in. You too?

Just a few thoughts from my desk today....

Have a blessed day,

Patty

Look Only To Him...

"This hard place in which you perhaps find yourself is the very place in which God is giving you opportunityto look only to Him, to spend time in prayer, and to learn long-suffering, gentleness and meekness-in short, to learn the depths of the love that Christ Himself has poured out on all of us."

~Elisabeth Elliot~

"...inwardly we are being renewed day by day."

2 Corinthians 4:16

I have been....

Sitting at His feet...

Taking care of my health....

Tending to my home....

Working on a quilt ....

Making a whole lot of dish cloths....

And now...I am ready to blog again.

I don't know if anyone even visits anymore. When you don't post, you lose your readers. I had to be still to mend my hurting hip and the computer chair just didn't do it any good. So, I sat and read, quilted on a white on white quilt that I started years ago..knit dish cloths, because they were mindless for me as I sat on the heating pad. Most importantly, I sought the Lord for direction on some things troubling my heart.

Next week I hope to share some of my thoughts .

Thank you for your concern while I was gone, I know it just looked like I disappeared.

I guess I did!

Where Does Time Go?

Where does time go? It's been so long since I have posted on my blogs. I was posting so much and then I guess I hit a wall. My husband was home for two weeks on vacation. Actually two separate weeks with a week in between. On the off weeks, I had a root canal..a root canal reversal and a root canal...all on the same tooth and I am not done yet!

Our church had a spring tea on May 1st and that was a big undertaking. I gave a 15 minute sharing on The Joys of Journaling. I also was a table hostess and was responsible for setting up my own table. The theme was In The Garden..I'll share some pictures in my next post.

Summer's can be so hot here in S. California.....I usually have some summer projects to work on. So I have been thinking what to do...as the A/C hums away. It's not hot yet and I am loving it. We may actually have rain this week...that is not normal for S. California..at all.

Patty's Pantry has been deglected too. I never did get all my recipes reposted after I lost my blogs a couple years ago...two fingered typists type slow...:) For Mother's day I was given, Martha Stewart's Cupcake cookbook,which is terrific.....oh nummy, I'll have to post some of those when I try them!

It's been one of the roughest years I can remember health wise...But I always look for a better day tomorrow and that's what keeps me going. When looking to Jesus He will always show me something good for each day. He is so faithful!

Have a beautiful day everyone!

Look for Jesus in the everyday things and you won't be disappointed.

Wait...

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

~Psalm 27:14~

"In times of uncertainty, wait. Always, if you have any doubts, wait. Do not force yourself to any action. If you have restraint in your spirit, wait until all is clear, and do not go against it."

~ Streams in the Desert ~

Heart Attitudes...

This is my paraphrase of a story Pastor Raul told in church yesterday. I have heard it before and this may not be word for word what he said...but you'll get the meaning.

A little girl and her father were going somewhere in the car. She was standing up on the seat and he told her to sit down and put her seat belt on. She continued to stand as he started to drive away. He told her again to sit down and put her seat belt on...she continued to stand. He pulled the car over sat her down and fastened her seat belt. As he drove away, he looked in his rear view mirror, she looked at him and said, " In my heart, I am still standing!"

When our Heavenly Father asks us to do something it is for our own good. Sometimes we kick and scream in our hearts that we don't want to do that thing He's asked of us. We go ahead and obey and we do it..but like this little girl, in our hearts we are still standing. We went through the motions of being obedient and on the outside it looks as if we were...but the heart attitude was one of rebellion.

I have learned and am still learning that we just can't go through the motions of obedience. We aren't fooling any one but ourselves when we do. God knows the motives of our hearts..He knows if the action of obedience is sincere and the motives are right. Take this sentence, worded the same way..but with different attitudes.

I'll go Lord, only because You want me to go. The heart attitude is I will go Lord, I may not want to, but I will go because You know what's best and I want to be obedient to what you have asked.

I'll go Lord, only because you want me to. The heart attitude is I'm going but only because I have to go because You want me to go, not because I want to go.

The first response is a humble response, one of surrender..the other response is one with selfish attitude. A response with rebellion.

One of these attitudes is the heart is still standing in the back seat. Oh my goodness, how many times have we had this attitude?

The attitude of our hearts has so much to do with everything we do..well, it actually has All to do, with everything we do. It not only applies to how we respond to the Lord but applies in every situation in our life. What is my heart attitude? Is it surrendered or rebellious?

We live in trying times and can be surrounded by trying people. It has to be a daily, minute by minute decision to have an attitude that is pure and motivated only by our love and obedience to the Lord.

This is my attitude of the heart story....

Things were coming at me like ocean waves a couple years back. I felt like I was rolling with the punches pretty good. It was one medical test after another and a year of continual ear infections. I started to get a little overwhelmed. I wanted to have the right attitude so I would say,"Whatever, Lord." I'd be laying there having another ultra sound and again I would say, "Whatever, Lord." I thought I was being surrendered...NOPE. It was my way of handling the situation for the moment, but it was far from having a surrendered attitude to God in my circumstances. Need I say, I quit saying "whatever." Not my will, but Yours Father," is the desire I have for my heart attitude now. I try never to say, "Whatever" anymore because no matter how I use it...it's an attitude!

My challenge to all of us today is...

Let's not have our hearts still be standing when we have been told to sit down!

Amen?

Quote For Today...

"One reason we are so harried and hurried is that we make yesterday and tomorrow our business, when all that legitimately concerns us is today. If we really have too much to do, there are some items on the agenda which God did not put there. Let us submit the list to Him and ask Him to indicate which items we must delete. There is always time to do the will of God. If we are too busy to do that, we are too busy."

~Elisabeth Elliot~

We Are Daughters...

I was reading the other day in Genesis chapter 30 and my heart was touched by the fact that Leah so desperately wanted to be loved by Jacob, that she would do most anything for him to love her. I couldn't help but think of some women today, doing whatever they can do to earn the love of a man...or anyone. If only we could learn at a young age that we are Daughters of the Most High God and we never have to sell our selves out or compromise ourselves for love.

I think there are many women who feel that they have to be something other than what or who they are, to earn love and acceptance. It’s sad, but I must say I have been there. Although I learned an earthly example of my Heavenly Father’s love through my husband, I felt I always had to earn love from other people by what I did.

There were some hard lessons through the years, but God taught me and worked with me to see that I was of value to Him just because I was His Daughter. I still can fall into the Enemy's trap of wanting to be loved and feel like I have to do things to earn it. When that happens, the Lord will prick my heart and remind me that I don't have to do that because love should be given freely.

Poor Leah, she was never loved they way that she desired. She wasn't a perfect woman she certainly did many deceitful things. She reminds me of the woman who is unlovely, difficult to love, the woman who is always left out.. the underdog. The kind of woman who always strives to be loved and yet is always on the outside looking in. These are the kinds of women that always touch my heart and I find myself drawn to them.

Oh, please if you find that I have described you in this post won't you please realize that you are of value and you are LOVED because you are a Daughter of the Most High God...He created you!

"He created us because He delights in us."

~Beth Moore~

God Opened Her Eyes...

"God opened her eyes."

Genesis 21:19

Genesis 21 is the story of Hagar and the strife between her and Abrahams's wife Sarah. Hagar was the mother of Abraham's son Ishmael, born in a concubine. Sarah insisted that Abraham send them away becausehe didn't want Ishmael to share in Abraham's inheritance. Hagar and her teenage son headed for the desert. When I think of our deserts here in California I am sure it had to be scary being out there all alone. When Hagar thought they were about to die because they needed water, God opened her eyes and she saw a well. He could have provided a spring, but He wanted her to open her eyes to show her what had been already provided.

Reading this caused me to think how in hard times, I simply need to ask God to show me what is already there. He always has a solution, I just may not always see it or expect a solution that is right in front of me. "Show me the solution that you have already provided ," should be my prayer.

God is always with us, He was with Hagar in the desert...His provision was already there..she only needed to open her eyes!

"The question is not if God will prove Himself faithful to you,

but how."

~Dr. David Jeremiah~

Praise Report...

Praise the Lord! All my biopsies came back negative. Thank you for your prayers.

Nothing's Impossible...

My reading this morning was in Genesis 18. Verse 14 says, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" The Lord was reminding Abraham and Sarah that He had promised them a son. As I thought about this verse it came to me, that at times I think things are impossible. Why do I think these things are impossible? I think it's because in my human thoughts and reasoning and in my human strength...they are impossible. Luke 1 :37 tell us, "For nothing will be impossible with God."

If we know God is asking something of us...then He will equip us, enable us, and give us strength...When we rely on and depend on Him, we can see the impossible happen before our very eyes. Yes, we have to do our part, but we are also told that we can do all things in Christ who gives us strength.

I am going to take a page in my prayer journal today and write at the top of the page, "Nothing Is Too Hard For GOD." I am going to list the things that I have felt were impossible, or things I have given up on, or even things I feel God wants me to do... and commit them to prayer.

How about you? Have you felt that there are things in your life that are impossible? Take a few minutes today, sit a spell and reflect on these words, " Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

"You do not have because you do not ask."

James 4:2 NASB

Days of Uncertainty....

With life changing decisions being made in our country, and days of uncertainty ahead, we can always remember and trust in the fact that God is sovereign and on His throne!


"I'm convinced that there is nothing that can happen to me in this life that is not precisely designed by a sovereign Lord to give me the opportunity to learn to know Him."

~Elisabeth Elliot~

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

Change...

"Suffer the pain of change or suffer the way you are." ~ Joyce Meyers ~


Edited new thought; What I think the author of this quote means..or I should say what this quote means to me is, If God is asking us to change, at times there is pain involved, if we choose not to change, then we can suffer pain the way we are. I just happened to like this quote, not necessarily all that this author teaches.

Changes...

It seems like the past few months I have been pushed from places of being comfortable to places totally out of my comfort zone. We have been attending a church closer to home with our children, I have changed doctors..those are two of the biggest changes. I was in an ER this last weekend with bleeding from an endoscopy and back to another hospital a few days later to have another endoscopy..both places that were new to me. Change. Maybe it's because I am getting older, they say older people don't do well with change. Older people???? Another change..but in my head I am still 18 with the,"girls just want to have fun attitude". I still want to have fun, I just want to sit still doing it!

God is always at work changing us. We should never get comfortable anywhere. We have to adapt where He places us and trust Him in new surroundings and circumstances. I have been married to the same man 40 years, lived in the same house for 39 and have had the same best friend for 45 years. See, why change might be hard? LOL

In an ever changing world, the Lord who is unchanging, is my rock of stability... I want change in my life, but I only want the changes that God allows or desires of me.

So many of you have such big changes in your lives...mine are minimal. And for that I am thankful. The only change that comes easy for me is...changing my mind. (:

I just wanted to let you all know I am still here...things going on with doctors and such...I get a bunch of biopsy reports back on my stomach next Thursday..any little prayer would be so appreciated.

Have blessed weekend!